My Nan and Pa met at a dance in Sydney in the early 1950's. He showed some interest in the cute little ginger and didn't muck around in letting her know he liked her. When he found out those feelings were mutual, he did what any smart bloke who is clearly batting above his average does...he asked her on a date. The date went well, and they continued to spend more time together. Then he quickly proved how intelligent he was by asking her to marry him before another good looking fella did. Those actions turned out to be the early stages of what would turn into a sixty-year marriage between them. It ended 2015 when he died at age 82.
Sixty-year marriages are rare.
They're rare because they require far more than just a feeling of love to keep them alive. They require someone seeing us for who we really are and still choosing to stay. They require the person we're in the relationship with to hit the hard times with us, and not bail. They require strength. They require honesty. They require flexibility. The require grace and hope and forgiveness. They require absolute commitment.
But absolute commitment is rare.
Instead of commitment, we're now told that if it's not working, we must be with the wrong person. We're now told that if you don't like who you have, jump back into the dating game until you find someone who is absolutely perfectly matched to you. Someone who will allow us to keep living you have been so you'll never need to change.
Why change when you can run?
Changing hurts too much.
That's why Tinder is the perfect tool for so many of us today. More than just being there to help us kickstart a relationship, it's turned into the tool that allows us to compare what we have to 10,000 other options. It's now a location many of us run to when the going gets hard in our current relationship. Surely we think, someone on here will be easier to deal with than the monster we're currently with.
But we're wrong.
We're wrong because we're all little monsters.
Even if we chase a new monster, the monster in us still exists.
Yet our 'grass is always greener' mentality is robbing us of something special with our current little monster. It stops us from learning how to improve. It stops us learning to adapt. It stops us from growing together. It stops us from growing as individuals. It stops us having to address the fact that we are not perfect and we have so much to learn. It stops us from ever having to be sharpened by the iron that is our partner.
It's easier to run.
And who doesn't like easy?
But easy in the present doesn't guarantee a happiness in the future. Sometimes it's the hard things now that allow the future to be brighter. We're far too quick to run. We give up far too easily. There's potentially something great to be developed if we'd just stick around and find out.
Before you run, answer these questions:
Is it really your partner who needs to change, or are you refusing to carry your fair share of the load?
Will the next person really be better, or are you just ignoring your responsibility?
Is there a pattern in how long your relationships last? Could it be you that needs to change?
Don't run away to quickly.
It's time to face the giants you've been ignoring.